Today has been a real roller coaster of emotions, I was not expecting all of the different feelings I have gone through today!
I am so happy for Mie to have bought my store because she loves beads as much as I do and I know she will do a wonderful job with the store so I have no remorse in selling the store but as I drove away today I started crying and did this on and off all day.
I was driving away from my baby, it made me so sad. But then I knew it was in good hands with Mie but I still felt a very deep emptiness inside me.
Who will I become now, what will I do with all of this time I have been wanting for years? Do I remember how to design patterns, its been so long. Fear and more fear came over me as I drove that 1 hour drive home.
All I could do was think of NanC Meinhardt, I had talked with her yesterday and she said to just think about her and she would be thinking of me today, so Miss NanC that is what I did as I struggled with fear and sadness through the day and kept telling myself what does fear and sadness look like, now go bead that feeling! I could hear you in my head and feel you in my heart, when it calms down I will put those feelings into beadwork!
I told myself to stop this kind of thinking that I will be fine, but I have had a bead store for so long or a website selling seedbeads that for most of the day I felt like I didn't know who I was going to be because I have been Kandra's Beads or Bead and More for so many years that I felt like I would be no one. It is so funny how fear can make you unsure about yourself and everything around you. This evening as I sit here and write this I know that I will be ok and not having a store will be fine it does not define who I am, and I am sure as the days go on I will fall back into that pit of fear wondering who I am and what will I be next, but I know that I will look fear in the eyes and lop off the heads of fear as I charge forward like Attila the Hun.
There are so many things I want to do with the time I have left on earth that I know I will never be bored!
First on my list is to get my house squared away because I have boxes of beads every where! I can't stand clutter so I will have to get organized! Then start that long task of taking pictures of my personal bead stash, this will be an on going thing for years as there are so many beads I have collected over the last 25 years!
I think my best plan of attack will be to just pull open a drawer and take pictures of whatever is in it and start selling them, they will be in no particular order because I don't have them in any order. I just know that I had to bring home at least one of every type of bead and sometimes all of them if I knew I wouldn't be able to get anymore. So what I am trying to say is there will be no order to the posting of my personal stash. It will be first come first gets to buy, I think I will try to post every Wednesday so people will know to watch my website and be sure to see everything as I post it.
I will also start sitting at my torch again and start making beads to sell. My heart and soul sings when I am making beads!
Then I want to start designing again and make up kits to sell. Everything I want to do will take time but I have the time now!
I may not start getting things on my website until next week because I need to make a path to my camera first! ha-ha
Remember if you want all of the beautiful beads I use to sell just go to www.miesbeads.com and you will see all of them just like before. We had problems of course with the computer but we hope to have her site up and running late tomorrow or Wednesday so in the mean time it still says
www.kandrasbeads.com but the beads will be coming from Mie's bead store now, we haven't been able to change the name because her computer was down but hopefully it will be working within the next few days!
Thanks for letting me vent now I can unpack a box of beads!
Here is a picture of the beautiful, wonderful Ocean that I love so much!