Monday, January 13, 2014

Day 5

Today was a bad day for me, I felt like crying all day.  My feelings were hurt a few times and the x-ray place keeps calling and changing his appointment, this is for his MRI.  We get to Mission Hope today and they forgot to call and tell us they moved his appointment to 4pm instead of 3pm.  I wanted to talk with the dietitian because we are confused about what foods Dennis can eat and what he can't eat, she had left for the day and will call me tomorrow.

I guess my nerves are just shot to hell and I know that we have only just started!  I have a feeling it is going to be a long year.  My honey is so positive and I am, but I am so scared that everything just sets me off.  Like Saturday and Sunday Dennis was weighing beads, he does this a lot for me at the shop, he can't put the labels on though, because he puts them on crooked (ha-ha) you have to find humor where you can.  He was saying that his back was feeling fatigued and now I am worrying that the cancer has moved to his spine.  I will ask the doctor on Thursday.  He has weighed beads for years and has never complained about his back, maybe I need to let it go but the doctor said that if it spreads it will go to his spine so now I have that in my head and I am worrying.  I will be surprised if I make it through the year.

Dennis wants to go to Fresno this weekend so we can see my Aunt and my Granddaughter, we will see his kids and his friend Charlie who also has cancer, it will be a busy weekend.  I want to see Sandy because she hasn't been feeling well and I am worried about her.  I wish she would start feeling better I miss her so much!  We need to make this trip before Dennis gets to tired from the radiation, I already see him getting really tired.  We were talking Sunday driving home from the shop that he may not be able to go with me on the weekends very much longer, that will be another pain in my heart, we are always together on the weekends at the shop!  I really don't want to be there without him.

Sorry to be complaining so much but this is where I will be venting for awhile.  I feel really alone like I have no one to turn to with all of my fears.  Some of them I don't want to say to Dennis some of them I do.  I guess it is just a down day and tomorrow will be a better day.  It will be a busy one we have the MRI first and then the radiation after that.  Dennis took some of the glow in the dark beads with him to his job today and put them under his shirt to tell the guys that all the radiation had made him glow, he cracks me up!

The up side is I have a lot of new beads that came in and I am working on getting them on the website.
Here is a brain dead bracelet I am working on tonight to keep myself busy, I love the bright colors though!  Sometimes I just want to sit and work on something easy and fast!
 I know it doesn't look like much but it is my face a mold of it and now I'm beading the whole face.  I've been working on this for years and just got it out again to get it finished.  It really will be beautiful when I finish with it.  I will do a lot of beading on top of the face when I finish getting it covered.  If only you could be in my brain and see what I see.  ha-ha

I guess that's all for tonight!


  1. Kandra: Vent all you want and know that there is someone out here listening and keeping good thoughts for you and Dennis.

  2. Me again Kandra! Your beaded face is going to be incredibly beautiful and so full of meaning - I know we have discussed this a few times but this is the first time I have ever seen the work in progress.

    Love to you and Dennis as always.

    Kerrie ♥

  3. So surprised he is still working! Probably helps keep him from thinking too much about the cancer. Praying for both of you.

    Looking forward to seeing the finished face.
    Lisa Toth

  4. I understand what you are going through. 4 years ago I was in the same place you are now. Hopefully you will have the same kind and caring people around you that I did.

  5. Kendra, I am sorry that Dennis and you have to go through this. Keep at your beading because it does help. Know that I have prayers, positive thoughts and pennies in the well for the two of you.
    I'll tell you a bit of my family humor, when my mother was undergoing radiation for cancer, her BiL was trying to get her to eat varied foods especially protein (this was 25 years ago) and she looked as him as said - I like cottage cheese and peaches because they taste as good going up as they did going down. Several years later when he was undergoing radiation he told me - Your Mom was right, cottage cheese and peaches taste good both ways. I hope this made you chuckle a little. Have a hug, hugs are good.

  6. my apologies Kandra. my fingers mistyped your name.