Day 5

Today was a bad day for me, I felt like crying all day.  My feelings were hurt a few times and the x-ray place keeps calling and changing his appointment, this is for his MRI.  We get to Mission Hope today and they forgot to call and tell us they moved his appointment to 4pm instead of 3pm.  I wanted to talk with the dietitian because we are confused about what foods Dennis can eat and what he can't eat, she had left for the day and will call me tomorrow.

I guess my nerves are just shot to hell and I know that we have only just started!  I have a feeling it is going to be a long year.  My honey is so positive and I am, but I am so scared that everything just sets me off.  Like Saturday and Sunday Dennis was weighing beads, he does this a lot for me at the shop, he can't put the labels on though, because he puts them on crooked (ha-ha) you have to find humor where you can.  He was saying that his back was feeling fatigued and now I am worrying that the cancer has moved to his spine.  I will ask the doctor on Thursday.  He has weighed beads for years and has never complained about his back, maybe I need to let it go but the doctor said that if it spreads it will go to his spine so now I have that in my head and I am worrying.  I will be surprised if I make it through the year.

Dennis wants to go to Fresno this weekend so we can see my Aunt and my Granddaughter, we will see his kids and his friend Charlie who also has cancer, it will be a busy weekend.  I want to see Sandy because she hasn't been feeling well and I am worried about her.  I wish she would start feeling better I miss her so much!  We need to make this trip before Dennis gets to tired from the radiation, I already see him getting really tired.  We were talking Sunday driving home from the shop that he may not be able to go with me on the weekends very much longer, that will be another pain in my heart, we are always together on the weekends at the shop!  I really don't want to be there without him.

Sorry to be complaining so much but this is where I will be venting for awhile.  I feel really alone like I have no one to turn to with all of my fears.  Some of them I don't want to say to Dennis some of them I do.  I guess it is just a down day and tomorrow will be a better day.  It will be a busy one we have the MRI first and then the radiation after that.  Dennis took some of the glow in the dark beads with him to his job today and put them under his shirt to tell the guys that all the radiation had made him glow, he cracks me up!

The up side is I have a lot of new beads that came in and I am working on getting them on the website.

Here is a brain dead bracelet I am working on tonight to keep myself busy, I love the bright colors though!  Sometimes I just want to sit and work on something easy and fast!

 I know it doesn't look like much but it is my face a mold of it and now I'm beading the whole face.  I've been working on this for years and just got it out again to get it finished.  It really will be beautiful when I finish with it.  I will do a lot of beading on top of the face when I finish getting it covered.  If only you could be in my brain and see what I see.  ha-ha

I guess that's all for tonight!